How to be a good friend
Good friends are precious. The friends you make now may be with you for the rest of your life. How do you make sure you’re there for your friends when they need you?
Here are some ways you can improve your friendships and show your friends how much you care:
Speak honestly (but tactfully)
It’s hard to be friends with someone when they don’t let you into the good and the bad in their lives. Be willing to say what you mean and mean what you say to your friends. Don’t tell them what you think they want to hear or what you wish was true. They trust you to be honest with them.
Keep your promises
Make your friends a priority in your life and treat hang out sessions, birthdays, secrets, and requests with reverence. If you’re unreliable, your friend will hesitate before asking you for anything.
Check in with them
As soon as you notice something’s wrong or a friend is acting strange, shoot them a text, give them a call, or surprise them with a visit. You don’t have to get super-serious, but make sure they know you’re here if they need you and that they can trust you with what’s wrong. Every friendship is different (because every person is different) but get good at spotting the signs and knowing what your friend needs in the moment.
Don’t half-ass your friendship
If a friend asks for your help, that’s a sign of how much they respect your opinion. Show them respect in return by taking time to do it right. And that doesn’t just include when they ask you to do favours. Make sure that both of you are doing the work on the friendship. Don’t just leave it up to them to plan fun things and make contact.
Stick by your friend, even when it’s hard
Sometimes your friend will go through something tough, and they might react by lashing out at you, closing themselves off, or being self-destructive. This can be hurtful and annoying, and lots of people will give up on your friend. Don’t be that person. Find an outlet for your frustration, but make it clear you’re there for your friend no matter what. If you’re worried about a friend’s wellbeing, find out how to understand and handle anxiety or learn more about stress and how to manage it.
Respect their boundaries
Everyone is different and needs a different amount of contact with other humans. Some people find hanging out 24/7 completely exhausting. Learn your friend’s emotional boundaries and respect them. If your friend says ‘no’ occasionally, that doesn’t mean you should take it personally. Instead, appreciate they feel comfortable enough with you to define their boundaries.
Make them feel wanted
We all want to feel as though we belong. Show your friend that you like being around them and that they’re important in your life. Make time for them and listen to everything they say. Tell them that they’re awesome and that you’re grateful to have them in your life.
Make amazing memories together
Spend time hanging out, having fun, and doing things you enjoy. The wonderful thing about having a friend is being able to share memories and life experiences together. Celebrate your friendship with regular phone calls, in-jokes, and adventures together.
Do you have a close friend? How can you be a better friend? What advice do you have for others who are trying to learn how to be a good friend? If you’d like to talk to someone, Youthline’s free helpline is available 24/7.
Get professional support
If you’re experiencing harm or are worried about someone you care about, there are people at Youthline who can help. Here’s how you can reach out:
Face to Face counselling (Auckland Only)
Talking to a Youthline counsellor online or in person can be helpful. Find out more here.
24/7 National Helpline
Remember, you can contact us anytime – our Helpline is free, private and available 24/7. There’s no need to worry about anyone finding out. Here’s how you can reach out for help:
Call: 0800 37 66 33
Text: 234
Email: talk@youthline.co.nz
Webchat: You can also chat with us online if that’s easier for you.