Suicidal Thoughts
Many young people know suicide is a big issue in Aotearoa, and you may know it affects most of us in some way. Just because someone has these thoughts doesn’t mean they’ll act on them, but it does mean they really need support. It’s super important to take all feelings like this seriously, so if you’re worried about someone, it’s good to step in and help out.
If you or someone you care about is feeling really low or having thoughts of suicide, it can be really tough but remember – there’s hope. You can get through this and feel okay again. You’re not alone in this.
If you’re struggling or worried about someone you care about, there are places you can reach out for help. This page has information, advice, and resources to support you and your friends or whānau.
How to tell if someone might be feeling suicidal
It’s important to pay attention to how you are feeling. Here are some signs that might mean you’re having tough thoughts.
Feeling down
You might talk about feeling hopeless, worthless, or super sad a lot.
Keeping to themselves
If you’re spending a lot of time alone and don’t want to hang out with your friends and family anymore.
No fun in life
You might stop enjoying things you used to love doing, like hobbies or activities.
Worrying words
If you say things like “I wish I wasn’t here”, “I can’t go on”, or “People would be better off without me”.
Not caring about looks
You might stop caring about your appearance or how you dress.
Talking about death
If you often talk, write, or draw about death, it’s a sign you might be struggling.
Giving things away
If you start giving away your stuff, it could mean you’re feeling low.
Acting weird
If you seem anxious or are acting in ways that are out of character for them,
Using substances
If you start using drugs or alcohol to cope, it can make things worse.
Hurting yourself
If you are hurting yourself in any way, that’s serious.
Why am I having these thoughts?
When someone feels hopeless, trapped, or unhappy, it’s normal to wish those feelings would just go away or to want things to change. Sometimes, that can lead to thinking about death as an escape. Most people realise that if they could fix what’s making them feel this way, they wouldn’t want to end their lives anymore. So, most of the time, it’s not that people want to end their lives; they just want to end their difficulties of the pain they’re feeling.
Is there something wrong with me?
Having these thoughts doesn’t mean you’ll always feel this way. It just means your brain is trying to tell you that you want things to change and that you’re looking for a way to make the pain go away. For many, this is the first step toward getting help and support.
Create your own safety plan
When those tough thoughts start to feel overwhelming, remember that you’re still in control of how you handle things. With the right steps, those thoughts can fade away, even if they feel super heavy right now. Having a safety plan can help when those feelings kick in. Grab a pen and paper and follow the steps below to make your own safety plan.
Step 1: Recognise
Think about what triggers your tough feelings. This could be certain people, places, or even things like using drugs or alcohol. If you can, try to avoid these situations. If you can’t, get ready to reach out for support afterwards. Write down all the warning signs and triggers you notice. Answer these questions:
- When do you start feeling worse?
- What usually happens before those thoughts show up?
- Are there specific situations that make you think about harming yourself? Like when you’re with certain people, when you drink, or in certain places.
Step 2: Remove Harmful Things
This step might feel tough, but it’s important. If you’re feeling bad, try to get rid of anything that could help you hurt yourself. This gives you some time to think of better options.
To Do – Write down how you’ll get rid of things or give them to someone else to keep safe or how you’ll avoid places that aren’t safe for you.
Step 3: Grounding
One strategy you can use is grounding. Grounding is all about refocusing your mind and calming your body. This can help you feel safe again quickly, and it might make those intense thoughts start to fade.
Some ideas:
- Take deep, slow breaths
- Try a short meditation
- Go for a walk
- Listen to your favourite music
- Cook a yummy meal
- Make a hot chocolate or Milo and take a breather
- Have a nice shower or bath
- Snuggle up for a nap
- Write or draw in a journal
- Watch TV, a movie, or some YouTube clips
- Browse social media or fun websites
- Play a game or puzzle on your phone
- Read a book or magazine
- Organise your space or plan something fun
To Do: Make a list of things you love doing that help you feel calm and happy. Put a star next to at least two things you know you can do when you’re feeling low.
Step 4: Connecting
Don’t be alone; if you’ve tried some grounding techniques, but your feelings are still intense. Find ways to connect with others. This could include:
- Hanging out with pets or animals
- Texting, calling, or visiting a friend
- Spending time with a family member
- Just being in a public place, like sitting in the sun at a café
- Getting outside and enjoying nature, like walking on the beach or taking your dog to the park
To Do: Write down who supports you in your life. Make sure you have their contact details written down. Have at least one adult on that list who can help you if things get tough.
Ways to look after yourself or someone with suicidal thoughts
There are lots of ways to feel better and manage suicidal thoughts:
Keep your safety plan handy
Make sure you have your safety plan in one place, or make copies to keep in your wallet, at home, and wherever you spend a lot of time.
Share your plan
Think about one person you trust who can help you stick to your safety plan. It’s good to have someone looking out for you.
Be ready to use your plan
When you start feeling the warning signs, consider how to use your safety plan. Sometimes things can get in the way, so come up with ways to overcome those obstacles.
Take action early
Don’t wait too long to care for yourself. If you feel like today might be tough, make sure to do something nice for yourself and take it easy.
Talk to someone
Don’t keep those feelings to yourself. There are people who want to help you feel better.
Stay away from alcohol and drugs
It might seem like a quick way to escape, but using these can make things worse and less safe.
Keep in touch with friends
It’s super important to hang out with your mates, even if you initially don’t feel like it. After hanging out together, you might feel better.
Get back to basics
Ensure you get enough sleep, eat healthy foods, and move around a bit. Try to create a routine: wake up at the same time every day, have regular mealtimes, and plan fun activities, even if they’re at home. A good spring clean can make you feel accomplished.
Express yourself
Take some time each day to be alone in a safe space where you can let your feelings out. You can listen to music, draw, write in a diary, or even write a letter. After that, do something different, like showering or making a snack.
What if they’re not talking?
Sometimes, young people might find it hard to talk about their feelings. This can be tough for both of you, but there are other ways to help them open up:
Write them a letter
Sometimes, putting your thoughts on paper can help them feel more comfortable.
Text them
Sending a message might feel less pressure than a face-to-face chat.
Start a conversation while doing something
Doing an activity together, like going for a walk or cooking, can make it easier for them to talk since it feels more relaxed.
Encourage them to talk to someone else
Maybe they’d feel more comfortable chatting with another family member or a family friend first.
Suggest they call a helpline
Talking to someone on a helpline can be a good first step for them, too.
Remember, if they don’t want to talk, you can’t force them to. If you’re really worried about them, it’s important to reach out for professional help. If their silence makes you concerned for their safety, follow these steps to get urgent help.
Get Support
Need urgent help right now?
If you or someone you know is in a tough spot and needs help fast, here’s what you can do:
- Call 111 for immediate help.
- Go to the nearest hospital emergency room if you need urgent care.
- Call Healthline at 0800 611 116 – your local mental health crisis team.
- Call Youthline Helpline on 0800 37 66 33 or free-text 234.
Finding professional support
If you’re feeling like you may not manage on your own and you’re needing some outside help, there are people who can help you. You can reach out to a counsellor or our Youthline Helpline. Here’s how you can reach out for help:
Face to Face counselling (Auckland Only)
Talking to a Youthline counsellor online or in person can be helpful. Find out more here.
24/7 National Helpline
Remember, you can contact us anytime – our Helpline is free, private and available 24/7. There’s no need to worry about anyone finding out. Here’s how you can reach out for help:
Call: 0800 37 66 33
Text: 234
Email: talk@youthline.co.nz
Webchat: You can also chat with us online if that’s easier for you.