Being kind to yourself and others

Why does kindness matter?

Being kind to yourself or self-compassion involves extending kindness and care to oneself, much like how we would support a close friend. Kristin Neff, a prominent researcher in the field, highlights three core elements of self-compassion: self-kindness, a sense of shared humanity, and mindfulness.

Research suggests that helping others brings numerous benefits, including fostering brain changes associated with happiness and wellbeing. Acts of kindness create a sense of belonging, alleviate feelings of isolation, and can even inspire a more positive outlook on one’s own circumstances. Beyond the personal advantages, helping others contributes to making the world a better place, with the positive effects often enduring long after the act itself.

Why is self-compassion important?

When things get tough, and you feel down, it’s easy to focus on the bad stuff and forget the good. Self-compassion helps us act in kind and understanding ways towards ourselves. For example, instead of being critical and telling ourselves, “I’m so disorganised! I’ll never be successful!” you could say, “It’s OK, I worked hard, and I’ll do better next time.” A sense of shared humanity is recognising that everyone makes mistakes, and no one is without their weaknesses.

Why is it so hard for me to be kind to myself?

Being hard on ourselves often comes from things we’ve learned over time, like expectations from others or messages from our peers, whānau and society. Sometimes, we might think being tough on ourselves will make us do better, but it often just makes us feel worse. It’s a common challenge, and with practice, you can shift toward a kinder approach to yourself.